so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
