dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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