i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
