new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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