I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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