who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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