i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
