my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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