I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
