yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
