I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
