just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
