he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
