So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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