woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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