Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
