until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
