Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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