so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
