Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
