you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
