It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
