I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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