i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I want is dick and wine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
