fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
