If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
