last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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