so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
