You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
