Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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