I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
