Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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