I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk is not a location!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
