It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
