Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
