I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
