the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
