Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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