The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
