It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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