I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
