there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
