If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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