So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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