I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
