just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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