I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
too bad you live with your parents still
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
