he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
