Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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