absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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